Strength

I’m getting stronger.

I feel different

I don’t need you anymore

I’m busy

I don’t think of you every moment

Like I did

Yesterday I came home

I had a huge sadness

Loss for what we could have had

But now it’s up to me

The path lying before me

Adventure, possibilities, hope

Choices that are mine

No hurry to get home

Just me … and my wishes

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An angel arrived

She came from above, heavenly sent

No sign of sympathy.. just a listening ear and love

Her way was caring and a plan was created

To put in place, a way forward

to cope and to think what was next.

 

A hug, a gentle touch, a glimmer of hope

To show me that it would be okay and I can cope

To trust and to breathe, to know that ahead

Is a future that’s bright, no more flight or fight.

 

I loved him dearly this man of mine

but he took my heart and wore it down

I thought he was my soulmate life was great

But it started slowly the lies the deceit

 

I decided this relationship was not love

My life in tatters, my heart was broken

Time to put my self care in action

with the help of a friend, a text, a call

I could only hope I would not fall.

 

So many women have taken these steps

to leave their home and flee with nothing

In fear, alone, upset, no place to go

a mercy dash, in the middle of the night

a moonlight flit, enough of this shit

 

Frightened and alone, scared and anxious

Running for life, for rights, hope and peace

A refuge, a bed, some clothing, a cup of tea

Abuse, emotional, physical, and mentally

is not acceptable for any women or child

No matter what the reason.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Spirit Within

Do you listen to the knowing in the core of your being?

When its quiet at night and you are seeing?

Or do you dismiss it as your mind thinking thoughts

Over and over is it just your monkey mind ?

Sit quietly my love and listen just listen

For we are present and trying to get through

Listen when your on the bus and the chatter is loud

Or when your meditating and its still and silent as you ground

That inner knowing, that voice in your head

telling you a message as you lie at night in your bed

Your soul is calling to you to walk your path

Your mission on earth, your purpose or wrath

You’re here to learn the lessons of your soul

For repeating and for learning is what you want

Enlightement and your spirit, your essence of you

Shall not return to this world for there is life eternal

For there is another way and a place to go

Where all our family and friends we have lost

Wait to greet us and to welcome us there

To heal and to repair, to learn and to know

I cannot wait to meet the family I lost

But wait I forget they are with me already

As I go about my day, my life, and my world

I smile and reach out and say hello

The voice in my head speaks to me you see

I always thought the words were really just me

But now I know and I trust in spirit

And listen and write to pass to you

For the words are not mine I know that now

I feel and I sense the man, child or woman you lost

Trying desperately to come through and to say hello

Please take a moment and listen, feel or sense,

Hear the message that is for you, with lots of love being sent

Did you feel the touch of the fingers on your cheek?

Or the way the lights flickered when you’re going to bed?

The touch of the spirit as they ruffled your hair

Or the goosebumps on your arms when it’s not cold.

My loved ones in spirit look down from above

Or walk beside me and listen or send their love

Fear not, they are not the ashes in the urn

Or the mound on the grave in the earth down below

For they are the rainbow with the gold at the end

Or the rain and the puddles as you splash and play

Or the snow on the mountains or the sea shining blue

Remember the good things and the essence of you.

Where are you?

Where are you?

What are you doing?

Who are you with?

My right brain argues with my left

He is not good for you, but I love him

He is bad for you, but he has a good heart

He is controlling, but he loves me

He is manipulative, yes he is

Can you put up with this? No

Do you want to be with him for the rest of your life?

NO

Would that make you mentally unstable? Yes

Really????

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Loving yourself

 

Somewhere along the way I forgot how important I was, I forgot how to love myself.  

Being in a relationship I easily forget about me and focus on the other person. Their needs, their wishes, their voice.  I forgot that I have wishes too, and a voice, I was just not used to using my voice, for it to be okay to ask for what I want, to know that that was okay.

Recently single, I know I have made the right decision, for my voice is slowly coming back, I do not have to think of anyone at all, I am my own person, and I am learning all over again to love myself.

I can have a pj day if I want too, I can not do any housework, I do not have to have a huge meal for my dinner, I can have boiled egg on toast, it is okay, and it is enough.

I am saying “Enough to the Universe,” at 52, I am now putting me first, this is not selfish, this is a mental and emotional and spiritual act of defience, I matter, and I am important, and I am here on this earth for a short time and I have wasted 52 years by not putting me first.  Oh don’t get me wrong I have tried over the years to put me first, to dabble in stuff that I liked to do, but it was never consisitant or a life changing event, to keep at it. 

I would love to have a partner who is a equal someone to share things with, and to grow old together, to love me unconditionally and to show me that love is a good thing, a wonderful thing, that is shared by two people, a blending of souls.

Someone told me recently there is no prince going to come and whisk me off my feet, and I know this now, I guess I secretly hoped that the prince I had would, he did rescue me a few times but thats another story, but not in that unconditional way, forever, lasting, am I just a hopeless romantic and believe that love does exist? 

It wasn’t really ….

It wasn’t really love

When you held me tight

It wasn’t really love

You always having to be right

It wasn’t really love

When you always picked a fight

I had known you for so long

You’d been around in the background

Popping up here and there

Always managing to be on social media

At the right time

One day you became mine

At the start everything was fine

A proper gentleman you had become

Treating me like I was the one

It took a while for things to change

The mask fell

The voice grew louder

Look at me look at me

She couldn’t look she wanted to flee

Anywhere quiet where it was still

To meditate and gather her thoughts

To connect to source and get her fill.

It came to a crushing halt

He blamed her then all her fault

Her heart in pieces

Her confidence crushed

It all had been too much

Their partnership was toxic

Down the pan

Hopes and dreams a future ahead

Dropped disappeared in shreds

A new beginning lay ahead

A page a chapter a book to start

Piecing together her broken heart

She had been here before

That starting again ..,,

Mad

She felt quite mad sitting alone

Looking out the window her heart torn

The moon started down with his face open mouthed

I’m waiting you see till it is dark and I can get you

For then mad you will be alone and disguised

As a full one, its the lunar cycle, lunatic time

She knew she was not mad she knew it

But felt crazy and had moments of non reality

Should she be locked up or burnt at the stake

Was she being channelled by the moon

His stare she could not shake

He glowed white and grey a circle round

High up in the sky looking all around she found

The doom the gloom emphasised so

She felt like ending it she felt so low

No she thought tomorrow is another day

Where the sun rises and comes out to play

She turned around and placed her back to the moon

For she did not want to be mad and knew that soon

Her emotions would lift, her courage come back

For she loved the sun, it gave her hope

Of warmth and comfort and self love to cope